Go Find Yourself; 5 Ways to Start Embarking on the Journey to your Authentic Self

Be you! Do You! It all seems easy enough doesn't it? So why do we always find ourselves at dead end jobs, or in unfulfilling relationships ? We do all the you-ing we can but we still feel like something is missing. When we have that feeling of resentment or envy when someone else is shining, it's a sign of our own insecurity. In a meme, insta-famous kind of social environment, we collectively feel pressured to be accepted, to be better than others, or to be well liked. It seems to at times make us more prone to accept this as the only possible reality rather than a consequence of a series of events throughout human history. We all have a special self. When we are able to tap into our own self-hood, we start to hold our life by the reigns and manifest our own personal magic!

1.Use self-awareness to make notes about what your resonate with; what do you feel and how does it make you feel ? You can use a journal for this or you can make mental notes. I prefer a journal because it's helpful to keep track, identify and sort out who you really are as an evolving process. Recording your feelings in a journal can help you to compare and contrast how you feel and when you feel that way. It's important to start making connections between how you feel and what events and stimuli are driving this feeling. Simply, what can you attribute to your current state ?

2. Start to asses your true values--consider all possible influences of your values! Most people I find have similar values; honesty, loyalty, compassion etc. What's more interesting is how often people live in a nature contradictory to those values. That's why it's great if everyone becomes more aware of contradictions so we can all stay true to our own personal values. Try writing down the 5 or 6 most important values to you. Write out why they are important. Then, come up with actions you commit to which align with your values. It may feel a little time consuming but well worth the work. Writing this out will allow you to clearly see where you are effectively living your values. You may also find through this exercise that your values change. Be open and flexible to the possibility that your values may be driven by external influences and the opinions of others. Talk about your values with others, how do you feel when you talk about what is most important to you ? You'll usually be able to tell if value is true to you by how passionate or close to your heart the value is.

3. Ask yourself more questions! You must be your own detective, to get to the bottom of your real self. That means when you come away from an event like hanging out with your friends debrief with yourself afterwards. It seems funny to ask yourself "So, how'd it go? did you have fun? " but you'll be surprised what you might learn from asking yourself this. There may be times where you return home, only to realize you wasted time with people who aren't aligned with your true values. It can be defeating to find yourself settling for friends, careers or situations which are misaligned with your soul's mission. I like to have little "me meetings" which sounds awfully narcissistic, but there is a method to my madness. I discovered that when I'd take the time to check-in with myself after being around other people, I realized I often would make myself fit in with the group by taking on the values of the group rather than sticking to my own true feelings and behaviors. In my meetings with myself, I check in with my body, mind and spirit. I ask myself, what would you like to see happen, now and later ? I also ask myself what I can do for now and for later. I try to put high-priority on "now" and consistently check in so I can be sure that I've made efforts towards my true desires. When doing something, ask why. Think about what you're hoping to achieve from what you do ? Also consider how this might effect your values. You want every waking moment of your life to reflect your dreams, goals and personal values.

4. When you find toxicity cut it out. This is a very important and careful decision to make. It's easy to get lost in the inauthentic facade of western culture and capitalism. Our media economy is driven by our self-loathing, our primal tastes for sex, and entertainment. What makes a great movie is not what makes a great life. In others words, while we may be excited by the highly dramatized and unrealistic representations of life that we see in movies, our actual lives have much more potential then anything we've yet imagined. We are so stuck in these primal desires, we have left out the desires of the higher-mind. This causes us to manifest unhealthy connections and ways of communicating which are highly-ineffective. We must remember we are social learners and we learn how to socialize from media, television, movies, videos games and Instagram. If we are constantly being sent the message that we should be creating an extreme "meme worthy" or viral life, we may find ourselves with an existential crisis in the end. It can be soul-saving to discern toxic people, toxic situations and remove oneself from such things. If we stay in toxic relationships, we are sending the other person the message that their behavior towards us will be tolerated. Before disconnecting from a said "toxic" person or situation, make sure you have clearly assessed whether the person is actually toxic. We all are human beings will have bad days. Sometimes we don't say what we mean, or we say things that are hurtful without intending to harm anyone. It's important to make a honest effort to really understand where the said "toxic" person is coming from and do your best to communicate your expectations and needs in the relationship whether it's with a family member, co-worker, or romantic partner. I feel that people can act in toxic ways but very few people are indefinitely toxic. It's best to take space from toxic people and revisit them after they have healed themselves and you can heal your own exposure to toxicity.

5. When you find things that you love, explore them! Don't be afraid to try the things you may have been afraid of. It may sound obvious, but when you start to notice excitement, fun and motivation enter your life, these are all good signs your in the right direction! Life is a beautiful experience and we have the potential to shine like stars when we find our own passions and gifts! We tend to copy each other a lot. We see a person with success in something, we see the happiness in their eyes and say I want that too! It seems rational to just do what that person is doing so we can feel like them and that's why we have millions of people in any given profession. However, I challenge you to think of a new career field, a new job that only you could do... It may sound daunting or even impossible but I can promise you that some of the most innovative geniuses of our time likely asked that question in one sense or another. Create space for the new you, for the real you and allow the mask to disintegrate.

As simple as these tips seem, I challenge you to take an honest look and your life and ask: How am I living my true values ? When am I acting in ways that go against my true values ? What might be influencing this ? And finally what options do I have for improving my quality of life through my everyday decisions, and interactions ? I personally wish you the best of luck and the clarity in your own magical journey of self-hood! Happy self-finding!

#selfimprovement #authenticity #2019 #findingyourself